Memories.

Andrew Llyod Webber is one of my favourite composers. The song Memories from the musical Cats, endures in my mind as one of those moving songs that I whistle regularly. Here is one of my lingering memories.

It was an intensely sad moment. I had flown a considerable distance. My life was in disarray, and I had come seeking refreshment, but now the dryness of the moment still causes me to reflect over 20 years later. I had gone home to New Zealand for a school reunion. It was meant to be a time when I could reconnect with the past, during a time of turmoil and change, not a time of emptiness. I had hopes of finding old friends, school mates and ex-girlfriends, and sharing our glorious history. I thought connecting the missing years, would somehow lift my spirits. But none of them showed up! There were hundreds of people, many I knew, but none of my old close friends!

The sorrow of that excursion still gnaws at me. I tried to track some. I phoned old numbers or found their parents.  Brian was a lawyer in London. Philip was overseas also. No one knew of Marilynn Bockett my first love. Isabel, my year 12 girlfriend was back in Australia where I had just come from. I got her phone number from her father and phoned her – a blast from the past she said. Others were untraceable. Their parents had died or moved. I was so sad! So disappointed.

Now, over 20 years on, in searching the memories of the past, people and their stories are like vignettes on the banks of the river as my vessel passed by.  My mind is like a ‘time-warped after-image photo album’ with snippets of people’s lives as they crossed mine and we shared “the journey” for a while.

I discovered that people usually stand out in your mind for some enduring quality. I discovered that I remembered people by the qualities of their character and that is what constitutes a snapshot on the wall of my hall of memories.  This person was kind, that one was funny, another was caring or generous, this one was hostile, and the memories added up. I still remember how I loved Clair. Her memory hangs surreal, a huge teenage snapshot. She had an older boyfriend but that did not stop me loving her, being her friend, and writing poetry about her. How did her life turn out? Is she even still alive?

Tony was the school gangster; did he ever go to jail like I thought he would? He was a bully. On one occasion prior to the teacher arriving for class he decided he would stuff my mouth with chilli. However, I went into a defensive position, and he ended up stuffing it in my eye. I was always afraid of him, what was he like now? In a large state school of over 2,000 students, being hung on coat hooks by your belt, or having your head flushed down the toilet, was a fact of life. (I was very small in those days.) But I learned resilience.

It bothered me that I couldn’t fill in the gaps in my memories. I heard of a story where a teacher was trying to encourage his students to buy the school photo. He said, “Just think years from now you will be able to say there’s sally, she’s a nurse, and Michael, he’s now an architect, or Johnny who is now a Lawyer.” A student piped up and said, “and there’s teacher he’s dead.”

As I reflect on close to 70 years of life, I found people stood out in my mind some way.  Usually, one or two things that made them a snapshot in my mind. However, memories of people in the picture gallery of your mind is one thing, but what will you be remembered for? Are you kind, compassionate, generous, or encouraging, or are you funny or prickly and angry or something else? How do you speak to people?  What will people remember you for? When they look at old school photos what will they say.

Even more important; What will God remember you for? The Bible says that God has a book of remembrance! Am I then a man of faith? This is what is important to God. Will He remember me; am I in His book of remembrance?

Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they are constantly there. Think about how you will be remembered by your peers, colleagues, or your friends! Think about how you treat others and how you speak to others. But most importantly; think about how God will remember you!