Day 46.

In my search for meaning I came to the struggle of how to know God. After all Jesus had said. “This is life eternal, that they might know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” (John 17:3). My prayer journey hasn’t always been good. As a minister I prayed, of course, that’s what ministers do! I had plenty of time to do it. It’s one of the privileges of ministry, lots of time for Bible study and prayer. So I did all the pray things including formulas, like pray through the sanctuary furniture , meditate on the words in the lord’s prayer and pray out each line in detail, ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication). I even journaled for a while because other prayer warriors did. I began to struggle with the “answers to the prayer thing.” What’s coincidence and what’s real? – I still don’t know. I began looking around, I certainly read around. How did these giants stay on their knees for hours? It wasn’t working for me.

I was also frustrated with the personal relationship with this Jesus stuff. I believed in the gospel, in God and the Holy Spirit. I was “born again” in that I had personally made the exchange offered at the cross of his perfection for my sin and his death as paying my debt. I don’t doubt my salvation in Christ. But what’s this close walk with the Lord supposed to mean? What does it look like. You see I’m not a particularly emotional person (hey I’m male) and so I don’t get all gooey feelings about his presence.

My own personal theology of prayer began to form. I went to a long weekend Pathfinder Camporee (our churches version of Scouts) many years ago – the weather forecast was bad! However, when we arrived the weather was perfect and the director got up on Friday night and praised God because he had been praying all week for good weather and look what the Lord had sent. The next day it poured and the weekend was ‘as forecast.’ What happened in the minds of those young people? Maybe the same thing that happened in mine! God doesn’t manipulate the weather to suit our picnics, weddings or camp outs. If the weather is good we can be thankful, just like we are for the food on our table. If the foods not there would our faith evaporate? For many yep!

I was on a ministers fraternal some years ago and we had organised the Carols by Candlelight evening in the Park. Again the forecast was terrible. “Lets pray and fast” was the call. By now I was a sceptic about manipulating the weather by prayer, so I said “ good idea” but I didn’t and it poured. Didn’t God hear their prayers? Of course he did! 473